I’m writing this at 3:30 a.m. on Sunday, December 5, 2021. It’s not uncommon for me to write around this time of the morning. It started happening in 2005. Then I was channeling all kinds of things about the Universe and writing about my experience of oneness and psychic awakening after the life-changing car accident.
Today, the writing is more balanced and grounded in this reality. I notice anxiety from having launched a guided meditation challenge and 6-week program I sunk a lot of resources into – time, people, prayer, and money. I notice the familiar letdown/fatigue when the push is over, wondering what’s next.
Like the people who participated in the guided meditation challenge, I went through a release process, too. Surrendering oneself to learning a new process/system and following through on it is often nerve-wracking. The questions and doubts flow freely!
Will my current audience adapt to this kind of launch? Will anyone sign up for the paid program? Why isn’t anyone signing up? Is the price too high? Is it not relevant? Am I sending too many emails? What if I end the launch with a goose egg? Is this even worth is? Maybe I should stick to one-on-one work, that’s thriving?
I recognize all of this mind-chatter as a normal part of releasing old beliefs and behaviors. It’s like a last hurrah. After identifying the fear underneath all the anxiety and letting it go, it raises its head one more time to ask “Do you really want to be done with me?”
Well, yes. Yes, I do.
And now the only thing to do is let it drain away. Redirect my thinking. Talk and listen to people who will help get me out of the swirl. Take the time to disconnect my self-worth from the outcome of the launch. Remember that being an entrepreneur means some things work, others don’t and we move on. Consistency matters.
Many of you know from my more recent posts that I had a flare-up of a chronic condition. What I haven’t been so forthright about was that it was, in part, caused by pushing myself too hard in preparation for this launch.
The learning curve was so steep, the perfectionism punishing, the desire for it to be successful so strong that it overwhelmed my body. As I am recovering and regaining my vitality, I realize the push is just not so satisfying anymore. It’s just downright harmful and that old habit must be surrendered – intentionally and consciously.
After the eclipse and the conscious letting go, there is hope. Hope for a simpler, quieter life without the push. A life with a steady, consistent presence, gentleness, and ease. A life with more space and less demand for energy.
I am grateful for this even as I wonder what, exactly, does this have to do with teaching people about using their intuition? Sometimes when we follow intuitive guidance the outcome is not what we had imagined.